A Note on the Parting Away
Everything is going so swiftly... life becomes so easy when you don't have to go out of your home, no one to face. Moreover, somehow I have got friendly with the four walls of my home and I am loving it. I know I am seeing no far from the very end of my own nose but still this is going great guns (at least for some time).
Haven't been to the river for quite a long time... the river, my eternal friend. Don't know what withholds me from going there. May be just the feeling that I will break down when I go near her, start shouting and turn psychic. The panoramic view of the ever flowing river, the misty wind, the remains of voices that once echoed in that part of the town, the faint smell of flowers blooming nearby, the fun of walking on the wet, sultry smelling soil, the trampled grasses, the sound of the flowing water and the sensation of my friend touching me, its water flowing through my fingers... The wind around me turns chilling cold and I can't bear it against my skin anymore though I would love to. I have no power left in me. I close my eyes and try to think... think something but then the downpour begins. I can hear the birds returning home and then I realize... I can't, I can't return home. I have to go forward and forward to reach that 'unknown place' I am struggling for. I don't even know what awaits me there. What has destiny planned for me, I wonder. I soon turn raucous, frustrated... I run back to my home, turn my lively, little room sombre, sit in the corner and then ask myself, why do I have to go... why?? These are all just imaginations that I believe would be enrolled into reality if I leave my home now... just because I know that I would be bound to leave it in a few days time... just a few days. I fear if I would ever be able to hold those hands again, whether I would be able to return to walk on these roads once more, to sit under my dear tree, lie down on the grass gazing at the elegant sky... I fear if I would retain the childishness that enabled me to have fun jumping on the puddles, I fear... I see those beaming faces of my beloved ones, their eyes sparkling in the hope that I would fulfill their dreams and I realize that I have no right to turn back now and I should not. I have made the decision of going forth on my own and now its time that I believe on my strength. Ah, I remember the following lines by Robert Frost:
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The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
It is hard to leave your own people, specially when you know they are your 'own' in the real sense. I have a few wishes now... a wish to return to the time when these people had held my finger and made me learn to walk, a wish to return to the time when I used to go to long walks with my father in the morning or evening, 5-6 km(s) till we reached the border, going through open fields... a return to the time when my father had failed for the umpteenth time trying to make me learn cycle... he would leave me in the middle of cycling and I would go all cycle-crazy.( The day when I learnt cycling, his smile was unbeatable.) I have a wish to return to the time when my mother had to bear the trouble of making me wake up from my dear sleep... a next to impossible job, I warn you. Memories of those times seem to be utopia now. All this while I had been thinking it to be a new journey of life... an adventure to get acquainted with new people, a new culture and system, to find a new corner for myself but now when I see my dear ones preparing themselves to bid me goodbye, I ... I go speechless. I don't know what to do.
I don't know how will I tackle myself. I know I am clumsy and have to depart to learnt to be self-reliant. I understand that though I bear pain at heart... my mind has to be adamant, strict and determined.
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The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
It is hard to leave your own people, specially when you know they are your 'own' in the real sense. I have a few wishes now... a wish to return to the time when these people had held my finger and made me learn to walk, a wish to return to the time when I used to go to long walks with my father in the morning or evening, 5-6 km(s) till we reached the border, going through open fields... a return to the time when my father had failed for the umpteenth time trying to make me learn cycle... he would leave me in the middle of cycling and I would go all cycle-crazy.( The day when I learnt cycling, his smile was unbeatable.) I have a wish to return to the time when my mother had to bear the trouble of making me wake up from my dear sleep... a next to impossible job, I warn you. Memories of those times seem to be utopia now. All this while I had been thinking it to be a new journey of life... an adventure to get acquainted with new people, a new culture and system, to find a new corner for myself but now when I see my dear ones preparing themselves to bid me goodbye, I ... I go speechless. I don't know what to do.
I don't know how will I tackle myself. I know I am clumsy and have to depart to learnt to be self-reliant. I understand that though I bear pain at heart... my mind has to be adamant, strict and determined.
For now that is all. I am in my room...waiting for the sun to rise.
u may part away from the river? how will u part away frm my memories? they'll haunt u for ever ! :D be good at kota. love to you. :)
ReplyDeleteHey! You are different, friend... no comparison with anyone or anything else. You are special for me and will remain, even if you haunt me. :p Love you too, Frendo.
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